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  • Steven Gardner

I Deserve This

Welcome back, Kids


It's been a bit since i put some thoughts into writing. This year we started a podcast, turns out speaking words is WAY faster than typing. I may or may not elaborate on this topic on the podcast but until then, here my thoughts exist.

Over the weekend i was having one of my recluse type moments. Seems like every weekend has been jam packed with things to do and people to see, this is no beuno for the introverted side of Steven. Needless to say on Sunday i needed to get out of my head and into my body so i went for a run. The problem here, though, is that this was a trail run in the remnants of a tropical depression on a state park that is notorious for flooding.

Now that the stage is set i can move into the ACTUAL topic of this writing. About halfway through my run and about knee deep in mud i stopped to take a look around. Quiet. Dark. Still. I was the only one out there and for good reason; id be lying if i said i didnt have the thought on the back of my mind that i had, in fact, lost it. "I deserve this" i thought as i picked my pace back up "I deserve every second of this". I first saw this phrase on one of Rob Bailey's stories, if you dont know him just look him up. He explained this well, but i now had my own context of it. I DESERVE THIS can either sound masachistic or conceited depending on how you say it, but i think both serve a purpose.

Let's break this down into experiences. Before i was out in the woods knee deep in mud i was sitting on my couch thinking about having a lazy day. I got up and went for a run anyways so now that this trail is ALL MINE, i deserve this because i chose this. Vice versa, during my run i was catching a HUGE cramp in my side, no doubt due to the fact that because it's Sunday i had super sugary cereal for breakfast and very little water compared to normal days. These cramps, I DESERVE THIS, for under recovering. Imagine how much more our training and our lives can improve if we took responsibility for our actions in a way of I DESERVE THIS. Unlike other accountability things, we arent blaming ourselves for things outside of our immediate control but instead we are recognizing the results of our choices, good and bad.

One step further- quitting my job and opening the gym was a HUGE financial burden on my Wife and I. On the plus side, i get to do what i love to do FOR A LIVING. Downside, i havent paid myself anything livable in two years. This requires a family budget, my wife working a job that doesnt fulfill her, and missing out on a bunch of things we could have otherwise been doing at this point in our life (we deserve this). On the flip side, at some point my wife will get to do what she wants for a living. She will work on her terms, and ill already be working on my terms. We are already having the "must be nice" comments being made towards us but we ignore them because we deserve this. See how that works?

Realize your life is made up of choices; When you choose to drive past the gym and go home because you "had a long day at work" and you are sitting with your fuzzy blanket on the couch stuffing your face with chips you deserve that. When you are going to a wedding this weekend and your favorite shirt/dress is fitting wrong, you deserve that. You stuck to your diet consistently and now your favorite co worker is checking you out yep you guessed it, you DESERVE THAT.

-Life is about choices, make sure you WANT what you DESERVE

Steven Gardner

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